My name is Andrea Wong. I am from Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia.
In 2011, I managed to attain the Youth Exchange and Study (YES) program scholarship to the United States of America. Everything was beyond what I could ever imagine and no account can do justice to how it has changed me as a human being. Nonetheless, this is as sincere and thorough as my experience can be retold and shared in hopes that people can get something out of it.
"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'" - George Barnard Shaw
i
the physical journey that i traverse
is the journey of the soul,
transport of the self from a fatherland
to a country collected by sight and mind.
As I sit here in the comforts of my home in the enclosure of a village I call Kampung Tanjung Aru, I try to recall the past six months of my life and realise the absence of all the snapshots I took in my head from a car ride I took to town last weekend. And even that little insight has blown me away to how AMAZING and OVERWHELMING this feeling has been. That funny thing that gets stuck in my throat when I tell people that I have been to the United States of America before I got my driver's license, before I went to college, and before I have even finished seeing my own country at the raw age of 17.
the knowledge that sweats from it
is a stranger's experience,
from one who had learnt to see, reflect
and choose between
the challenging actualities.
And now, I somehow have to find a way to pour out what I have heard, seen, smelt, touched, and felt in mere words - nothing forced upon yet a compelling gut feeling that this is
what I have to do.
ii
...
i have not entirely returned, i know,
having been changed by time and place.
coarsened by problems
estranged by absence.
I was hosted in Charlo, Montana. I was prepared to be hosted by a family of five and to go to a school with 32 graduating seniors. What I wasn't prepared for - now, that is something worth sharing. (: So, this is...half of my heart.
GOD
Something I am glad to say I have not lost is my belief system. Time and time again, I have people raising up the issue of morality in America and how terrible it is. And all I have to say for it is this: Yes, America is what it claims to be - the Land of the Free. A place where anything and everything can happen - normal or crazy, good or bad. But what many of us miss in that phrase is the word 'free'. In America, we are free people. Yes, people are free to smoke weed, drink alcohol, and drive at 14. BUT people are also free to stay in school and not drop out, go to church with their families, and essentially, THINK for themselves what they want to make out of their lives. To say that I have not grappled with temptation throughout my stay would be a lie but I feel that this experience is God's unconventional way of getting His message across.
I went to a United Methodist Mission Valley Church with a host mom who was raised in a Lutheran Church and participated actively with my exchange student friend who was a Muslim. Just by typing the line above, I know I am already testing the lines of unchartered waters. Six months ago, I wouldn't have had enough courage within me to say this, but now, I think I do. Having attended church and being touched by the amazing hospitality and the sense of community a small Methodist church brought made me ask a million and one questions that might have been labelled as forbidden in my country. How is this unity possible without offending religions or denominations? God can't possibly favour an exclusive group of people, can He? I may never know how 'right' I am and may be met with reproof of what I am about to say but I guess everyone has the right to their own opinions.
Just like many, there has always been a certain degree of exclusivity within our own religions. Tolerance and unity among religions wasn't something foreign to me but I shall speak for those who dare not speak by saying that I've never fully comprehended how was that realistic. But my stay in the US has helped open my eyes to see that ultimately, we are all the same. God told us to love our neighbours as ourselves. Yes, we have done that but doesn't anyone realise that your neighbour also means the lady wearing the headscarf in the mosque, the man performing rituals in the temple, and the monk burning joysticks in the pagoda? I learnt that love surpasses the colour of your skin, the place you were born, the cultures you were bred in, and your religion. Even more so in this program. I believe I am learning and know that at 17 or even at 97, I may not have the answers for everything. God works in mysterious ways. Whatever it is, I am still a Catholic. Like it or not, the only difference is that I am now a Catholic with a much bigger respect and understanding for other religions :)
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| Fairmont Hot Springs Church Camp! |
John said, "Master, we saw someone driving out demons in your name. We tried to stop him, because he wasn't a follower like us."
"Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against you is for you."
Matthew 9: 49-50
but look.
i have brought myself home,
seasoned by faith,
broadened by land and language,
i am no longer afraid of the oceans
or the differences between people,
no longer easily snared
by words of ideas
FAMILY
I stare at the words above and literally don't know where to begin. Not because I have nothing to say but because I have TOO much to say. *inhale* *exhale* Okay. Relationships. People. Emotions. Perhaps the most overwhelming area that has affected me as a person, right here. There was so much unpredictability at play that I didn't see what was coming but what I do know is that having siblings is more than just playing board games but it was fighting over the last piece of pie, screaming at the top of your lungs when your brother hits you in the eye, racing for the remote control after school, and erasing the word 'sharing' from your vocabulary. :P
It continues to astound me how the simple lives of my host family has taught me how family ties keep life worth living for, the miracle of welcoming a new life into the family as well as the challenges it entails, and how kids can be a pain in the butt and make you realise things you'd never thought of at the same time.
Poppa, you have that twinkle in your eye which I've noticed but never managed to get what it is. I guess you just have a knack of showing how much you care without giving anything away. Karen, your pies will forever be heavenly and your odd character always makes things a little livelier. Thank you for your hospitality and wackiness!
Grandpa Rick, you remind me a lot of my father. You have a sense of compassion which is hard to find. Grandma Debbie, you are such a kind soul and crack me up sometimes. Thank you guys for opening your homes to a stranger, and most importantly, your hearts.
Nathan, you are the most charming boy I have ever met and also the naughtiest. You can say the sweetest things and not realise it. Your love for sports and handsome face will make you a heartthrob by the time high school comes, so, I can't wait to see how it goes! And I was so touched when you cried during my farewell at the airport. You are one extraordinary boy, you are!
Kalista, I think you are thoughtful and I love it when you smile your sweet smile. Your voice always seems innocent and you're just so frail-looking sometimes! I think you have a good heart and your occasional tantrums spiced up my stay. Stay lovely as always and may you continue to grow in courage!
Suzanah, you are one energetic sister! And although I may seem annoyed at times, I honestly wish that you will stay who you are - your lively, cheerful, and constantly happy self. I worry so much on how high school might wound your cheerfulness but I shall have faith (: You always show so much concern on my life in Malaysia and I do hope you will always remember me.
Dad, I think your sarcasm and sense of humour has definitely spread to me. I laugh every time I recall our funny exchanges. THANK YOU for your support and love in more unconventional ways than normal. Your love for adrenaline sometimes scares me but in the end, I think you left me changed. In a good way. You have a very good heart - I can see it and I think mom is very lucky to have you. (:
Mom, you have inspired me in ways you may never fully understand. I remember the look on your face in the airport when I told you this, as if I said that you could run for the President of America. You don't give enough credit to yourself, really. Our relationship has probably been the closest among everyone I have met in the US and I don't regret a single thing. You see things I don't see in myself (sometimes more than I believe true) and for that, I am grateful. Your patience and how you can be so easy-going continues to amaze me. You are the strongest and most resilient person I know and I don't know anyone else as deserving as you to be blessed with a baby boy. Take care of him. Save your money - no need to come visit me. I shall work towards getting that plane ticket to Montana in the future. I love you.
iv
travel makes me
a seeker who does not take
what is given without sincerity
or that which demands payment from beliefs.
SCHOOL
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| Charlo High School's Class of 2011 (: |
Ah, yes. American high school. The jocks making out with the cheerleaders and nerds getting stuffed into school lockers, you say? Think again. Whether it was just the simple chance of me being placed in a small town or the over-dramatization of Hollywood movies, I may never know. But what I have learnt from my stay at Charlo High School, is that the students were friendlier than I expected them to be. Cliques were not very noticeable and the kids there were as curious as the kids back home about each other and I found it rather ironic. They laughed at the idea of Americans being fat, snobbish, ruthless, and rich. Being in the States at that time, even I felt that was far from the truth. Then again, America is too huge to have one school represent all the kids in America.
American high school made me more grateful for, I guess you could say, an 'Asian' education. Along with many others, I have thought badly about exam-oriented education and preposterous regurgitation of the History textbook. Nonetheless, somewhere between the lines, I find myself so accustomed to studying 'hard' that it comes somewhat naturally. Most of us, I realised, tend to have learnt the meaning of perseverance and determination. Our definition of excessive homework might not be the same with our American counterparts. However, what the American education system has enabled me to do is to try new things and explore subjects I truly am passionate about. The freedom, I can tell you, is so satisfying sometimes. For once, art students get what they deserve - acknowledgement, encouragement, being valued for their amazing talents. That is probably one of the things I wish to see happen to our country. And I believe it is possible.
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| My first family portrait! |
The people I have met have touched me without fail. I enjoy the casual and lively interaction between students and teachers. The curiosity and humility of many students continued to make me question my presumptions. Honestly, students there were more easy to get into a conversation with but perhaps it was just the openness of American culture. Joining Track and Field, aside from the torturous runs back and forth the football field, helped me gain a new perspective. Sometimes, winning medals and breaking records don't matter as much if you don't have a group of kids who cheer you on when you're the last one on the track and high fives you after every single sprint even if you were pulling the team down.
the years at sea and in coastal state
have taught me to choose,
to accept only those tested by comparison,
or that which matches the roads of my ancestors,
which returns me to my village
and its completeness.
LIFESTYLE
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| Out of my house window. Pretty cool, ay? |
Coming from a small town of Kota Kinabalu, you'd think that going to the small town of Charlo, Montana wouldn't have much of a difference. Well, surprisingly, to me as well, this was not the case. The scenery was one thing. Imagine just waking up to views of endless mountains from your bedroom window. Unpolluted by any skyscrapers or big buildings for that matter, I felt that I could breathe better and the sky was beautiful as ever. Of course leading to the reason Montana is dubbed the Big Sky Country.
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| No, it's not Photoshop! We actually flipped into the snow :D |
The people in KK are considered laid back but I would say the Montanans beat them by a fairly small margin. Charlo's biggest worries are floods, the occasional drunk driver, and ungravelled road. As compared to cities, I wouldn't think those issues could beat the hazardous haze, everyday robbery, and traffic jams! It's a relatively safe place to live where everyone knows everyone and the kids are alright. I've met many pretty humble people and even more good-natured folks that just make you want to do a good deed too. No, I don't think I'm over-exaggerating. Haha.
vi
i am not a new man,
not very different
from you;
the people and cities
of coastal ports
taught me not to brood
over a foreign world,
suffer difficulties
or fear possibilities.
MALAYSIA & THE WORLD
Is it like flipping two sides of a coin and scrutinising the nooks and crannies of both? Hm. Perhaps. But less...poetic, for sure. :) Since I have been back to my homeland, I find it forever enlightening. I have no idea when or whether it will ever stop but currently, I cannot help but observe and spot the contrast between Malaysian and American culture. The bad and the good. You may call it Reverse Culture Shock and I may say that it very well so is. (Yes, it really does exist)
I was buying an LRT ticket the other day and was caught off guard by the lady's disinterest and lack of...friendliness - perhaps I was too accustomed to people asking how was your day and saying thank you even if you didn't buy anything. Sometimes, I miss the guys who would ALWAYS open the door for the ladies or just act like gentlemen. Just two weeks ago, I was almost crushed by the savages in the KTM and learnt that you will never get your turn to hop on the bus if you are too nice to people. Then again, it's fun to bring some good traditions back home. I liked the face of the bus driver when I said thank you before hopping of the bus. Or the surprised thank you's I got for holding the door for my college mates. Sometimes, just by merely saying "Have a great weekend!" to my History teacher is so satisfying especially in everyone’s reactions to them.
At the End of Stay orientation, I was in awe half the time trying to swallow the fact that I, clad in my Kadazan constume, was in the Hilton Hotel, Washington DC with 500 newly found friends from Ghana, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, India, Indonesia, the Philippines, Thailand, and so many more places. It made me feel that I could ACTUALLY make a difference in...the world. It's not every day that people from all around the world join forces in efforts of striving for unity. I am forever inspired.
i am you,
freed from the village,
its soils and ways,
ME
Probably the hardest part for me to write and yet the one I understand the most about - me. In a large scale, I would say I have not changed. But what it is are the minute details of myself that have been altered. Patience, tolerance, wisdom, a sense of humour, gratitude, faith, passion, flexibility, sincerity, love, and ambition - all of these things have never been foreign to me. Some may even have been my strengths. And yet, what these six months have allowed me to do is take each of this trait, scrub it raw, criticise every flaw it had, and at the end, take it back - stronger, harder, and closer to my heart than ever.
In truth, I can't think of a conclusion because in my mind, it is not the end. It will never stop. Am I the exact same person you knew six months ago? Yes...and no. Am I a better person? Yes, if you ask me, I would think so. If there is one new thing I have attained from this, it would be courage. Courage to believe in what I am capable of achieving, courage in speaking my mind, courage in standing up for what I believe in, and courage in being the only person I can be – me.
independent, because
i have found myself.
I feel so unworthy to only offer these few words in return but know that they are expressed with as much humility and sincerity and gratitude that I possess: Thank you, Lord.
My name is Andrea Wong. I am from Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. And I wish to inspire others just as I continue to bump into things along the road that amazingly inspire me as well.
