2. Keep Calm and Be Dramatic

The phrase above was coined by our lovely Lit lecturer, Ms. Cris.  If you know me, the word 'dramatic' isn't exactly the first word that comes to mind.  Here's my analogy: Perhaps Life shared the very same sentiments and figured that because I was nowhere near dramatic, he decided to be dramatic for me? 

And that, he very well did.

The HELP A-Levels Annual Production has been the biggest project I have ever spearheaded in my life to date because of its far-reaching audience-teenagers, college students, lecturers, parents, adults to even strangers. I'm not even exaggerating.  To even think about what has happened throughout the process of these six months already blows me away.  I still think I am so unworthy to tell you this story.  I feel a more experienced storyteller or thespian should narrate this tale.  Nonetheless, this fear and courage (or moxie, as I like to phrase it) garnered are the very things that keep me going and believing in things I never knew I was capable of doing.

I am forever grateful for the immense joy, pain, laughter and disappointment I shared with the pioneers of this year's production-Thessa and Isabelle.  Yes, we did have a little experience from last year's production but that was it, thriving on sheer love and enthusiasm.  Never have I had more insightful conversations on life and the production than with Thess-it amazes me how we meet at similar wavelengths in our beliefs and the occasional silent acknowledgement of what the other is thinking without the need to express ourselves.  Working with Izzy has been another pleasure as she astounds me every day with her organisational skills.  Without her, I do not know how I could have multi-tasked and our walkie-talkie conversations, though occasionally intense, were the most memorable moments.  Be it screaming "What the hell!" when the lights went on before the props crew exited the stage to conversations like this:

Izzy: Andrea, will you be standing beside me during the actual play when I give the cues?
Andrea: Um, yes, I think I will be.  Just ushering people in now. Why?
Izzy: Oh, nothing. Just asking.  I just feel better when you're by my side.
*MY HEART JUST MELTED* :3

Our blood, sweat and tears: debates on the perfect script, feverish efforts of recruiting a team and hour-long arguments over the consequences of choosing one person over the other.  Knowing that the people auditioning are also your friends and realising your studies is on the line, there came a time when I'd grudgingly remark through gritted teeth, "Yes, this is my life."

From an abrupt switch of actors to crew members oblivious of my 20 text messages, managing people has been a skill and knowledge that has been sharpened throughout this project.  Saying that I am a patient person isn't too far from the truth but the people I worked with brought it to a whole new level of not chopping someone's head off.  But having said that, there were a fare share of  amazingly efficient people who have inspired me to self betterment.  I learnt to let little ripples in the fabric go and pay attention to the bigger picture-to gauge when my OCD was getting out of hand.  You have no idea how big a deal this is for a person who gets flustered at the littlest things.

Ticketing sales saw me receive an extremely angry e-mail questioning my leadership skills but I refused to allow my self-deprecating tendencies to consume me.  Partly because I knew I couldn't stop now and partly because I had this whisper in my head telling me that I was more than just one person's opinion.  My love for everything we've worked for was bigger than a hiccup on the road.

Opening show: the spotlight failed 30 minutes before showtime. Opening night: our main actor almost fainted during a run-through.  All of this chaos took place right smack in the middle of my History mocks coinciding with the last day of the Production.  Looking back on it now, I sometimes wonder how I got up each day at 6 am, went through the day's itinerary and got back at 11 pm just in time for a little bit of sleep.  I remember laying in bed at midnight on Thursday thinking of the 8 am History mock I was about to sit for.  Not fully prepared and filled with utter FEAR, a million and one thoughts entered my mind - fever, overslept, too tired from Production and so many more excuses coursed through me as I bemoaned my horrible predicament.  But when the hour finally came, I just felt that I had to do it.  I felt that I'd be letting all the people who said I couldn't do it off the hook so easily.  I was more than a grade on a piece of paper and definitely more than a coward who ran away from her problems.  I guess I felt the need to reassure myself that this is who I am: When I say I will put my best foot forward in the Production, I will do it. But I will not compromise my principles in spite of the exhausting circumstance I was in because I am not one to quit.  No, no matter how scared I was and how uncertain I was of the outcome, I just stinking sat for the paper.  I faced it.  Because I wanted to be what I stood for: courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that there is something more important than fear.

And you have no idea how liberating and satisfying it is to accomplish that in spite of the critics scrutinising your every move but only having seen you in isolation of everything that you are going through.  Perhaps sometimes people are tempted to extract bits and pieces of your life as they see fit to tailor a conclusion that is easy for them to comprehend but more often than not, it is very far from the truth.  And if I could say one thing to someone who is juggling many things, I think Ted Roosevelt phrased it perfectly:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Thank you, God.  You are amazing.