Try

Hohoho. Merry Christmas. Hohoho. 

Welcome back to reality of university applications due January 1st.

Hohoho to you my friend.

Pretty morbid, you may say.  I would agree because that is what I hear every time the thought of the university applications flash by my mind or someone reminds me of the beckoning deadline.  I don't blame them.  In fact, I have no one to be mad at, really.  It is what it is.  I am not going to write another paragraph of insinuating comments about how wonderful it is to do this when any traces of Christmas spirit is still inside me or the fact that I probably have two short weeks to study for my exam-both fact, if you were wondering. No, I guess I've had enough bad energy in my system to last a very long time if I keep on thinking about it.

I can go on about procrastination and last minute work but looking back on my past month, I do see instances where I could have spared a couple more hours solving those Math equations or cracking my head open in writing that uni essay of what makes me different from the 5, 000 other uni applicants attempting to do the exact same thing.  BUT, I didn't.  Because I used those times for other things which many would disagree with but in which case, I would regard it as moments which have kept me sane, alive and ready to face every day's battle.  Whether it was just a lazy Sunday to unwind and have my space in my room doing nothing, random excursions with friends where eye-opening conversations happen out of the blue or the joy of making a small mural in my room just because I wanted to.  It is these very things that have kept me happy and the little things and chunks of conversations that I cross paths with daily are what make my day, my day.  And if anyone were to take that away from me, it would be very possible.  But I would just know that I would be less happy and less of who I am today.

So, this is where I'm at.  Whether I like it or not.  6 US colleges. 6 essays to be written-give and take by new year's day (before even).  And I've always liked the idea of being someone who can just instantly come up with a brilliant piece of work in an hour, but I am not.  I roam around my fluffy mind and think, think and think like it's nobody's business and twirl the words and bits of what I want to say until I find that "click".  Or I find that something inside me or that picture in my head of seeing that piece come to life.  I feel it's so romanticised and poetic, too good to be true even.  Perhaps ringing in some scoffs of disbelief but I guess at this point, I don't really care about judgements of outsiders because there are a lot more pressing matters to deal with.  And I shall give my best in whatever I can find within myself today and all the days to come and just, literally, pour my soul out into every piece of writing I am capable of doing because it frustrates me to no end to write things half-heartedly, even if I notice it at the time or not.

And so, this is me just warming up at the tracks as I am about to tackle this race.  HOPEFULLY, I can look back on this when it is over and laugh at my slightly mocking self of the whole system that people who you may have never met in your life will determine your acceptance to a university through assessment of mere words on a sheet of paper (or maybe a computer screen). There are many things that trouble me but I know that it is not the time to think about it so I shall keep focused on the task at hand.

Wish me luck for this race of mine.  A race I am so daunted by and have no idea how it will end or whether I will be able to finish it but what I have, some say is more powerful than all of this, and it is faith.  Faith in God that somehow, somewhere in the midst of concerned parents, blank pages of essay questions and the need to give the best that I am capable of giving in such a short time span, 

I shall prevail.

And prevail, I shall try.